Message 01. Technicolor Animals 101

[unrecovered]

[The video flickers on to show both Wash and North in what looks like one of the hotel rooms. It’s far enough away that it’s obvious they’ve set it up on a flat surface somewhere. Wash is still wearing his helmet; old habits die very hard.]

Hey. Does anyone know anything about these Dream Eater things? We know they can fight and that you can make them from little rainbow pieces; aside from that, I’ve got nothing.

[There’s a squeak from offscreen, and Wash looks over-] Hey, get over here. [-and leans out of the frame.]

[North, meanwhile, has his helmet off, because all things considered, this area’s probably safe and he can let his guard down a bit. ]

Also, do they all carry loose change or something? It’s an odd way of making money.

[He glances over at Wash.]

Everything alright, Wash?

Yeah, fine, just- c’mere!

[There’s more squeaking offscreen, and finally Wash leans back into the frame, pulling his bat into his lap. The bat squeaks piteously, and it’s pretty obvious that one wing is bandaged.]

Is there a vet around here, or someone who knows how to take care of this? [He gestures at the bandage.] I can do this much, but that’s about it.

[Responses will come from both Wash (unrecovered) and North (brodakota).]

Comments

[brodakota]

I'm guessing you don't really have the answers.

[He's teasing. He doesn't expect Sora to answer his questions.]

[dork_of_keys]

Not as many as I'd like.

[brodakota]

Well, it's probably more than me, if that's a consolation.

I'm still trying to figure this crazy place out.

[unrecovered]

North. There are fire-breathing skeletal T. Rexes here. Obviously we've died and gone to hell. What else is there to figure out?

[There is such a thing as too much information, it turns out.]

[dork_of_keys]

Actually, the skeleton ones use ice. And if you smack 'em around enough, sometimes the head detaches and attacks on its own while the body is still running around.

[Sora's mostly mentioning this stuff because it is helpful to know what you're opponents can do. It hasn't occurred to him yet that it might be too much at once...]

[brodakota]

[Okay, that's definitely new information.]

Wash, calm down. Hell's probably a little bit warmer. Relax for a second.

[He turns back to the communicator.]

Hey, Kid, are you being serious? Because my friend here is a bit gullible and tends to scare easily.

[They're best friends, can't you tell?]

[dork_of_keys]

I wish I could say I was kidding. But they do that, both the Nightmares and the Spirits.

[Whether or not Hell is warmer probably depends on which Hell, but Sora's pretty sure that's a discussion for another time. Also he doesn't really like being called kid, but he can't really be annoyed about it when, obviously, this guy doesn't know his name.]

And my name's Sora.

[It's so obvious.]

[brodakota]

This world just got ten times crazier.

[He sighs. Well, at least it'll be an adventure.]

Right, Sora. Sorry. I'm North Dakota, most people just call me North.

[dork_of_keys]

I don't know if that's overestimating or underestimating, but I guess it is pretty crazy.

[Hey, it might be fun.]

North. Got it. It's nice to meet you.

[brodakota]

Yeah, it's going to be a wild ride trying to get home, I can tell already.

You to, Sora. Thanks for the help.

And don't worry about Wash. He'll get over it.

[unrecovered]

[And this is the point where Wash is beyond the point of words. Skeletal ice-breathing T. Rexes with detachable heads. He just. Cannot process this. At all. Nope.]

[Which gives North time to step in, which is probably a good thing - it's better than Wash making comments about North having no idea how bad hell is that he'd just have to explain later.]

[And then North says that, and actually does a pretty good job of jolting Wash back to his senses.]

I- hey! Just because I don't want to live in fucking Jurassic Park...

[brodakota]

Well we aren't Jurassic Park yet, are we?

We know they're out there and we just have to be ready for if the attack. We'll be fine.

[He shrugs.]

It can't be worse than facing off against Carolina or Maine on a bad day. Or god forbid, Texas.

[unrecovered]

No, it's still Neon Switzerland out there.

...good point.

[He's still not really processing this - things have gotten so ridiculous that they've gone past what he can actually register - but North's words actually are helping.]

[At least until he opens his mouth again. It's probably not a good idea to mention that Wash is actually two for three on that scale and somehow still alive, or that Tex is every bit as goddamn scary in a close combat situation as he figured she'd be and how crazy is it that in the end Maine was taken out by a jeep going over a cliff?]

[You know, maybe he shouldn't be thinking about that right now either.]

You know, given the choice, I'd take the T. Rex. If I'm going to die, I'd rather do it quickly, and fire seems like a pretty quick way to go.

[This is a pretty macabre conversation to be having with a dead man.]

[brodakota]

[The dead man doesn't know he's dead just yet. Unless you mean dead asleep.]

I don't know. Fire would mean dealing with the burns.

Think I'd go for the ice. At least there's a chance someone could thaw me out later.

[unrecovered]

[And Wash is going to keep it that way for as long as he possibly can.]

Good point.

You think if we set a fire one and an ice one against each other, they'd cancel each other out?

[brodakota]

There's a good chance of that happening. I guess if we meet them, we can make it happen.

[unrecovered]

I think I'd rather not meet them at all. Ever.

[brodakota]

Fair enough. But I'm not sure they'll keep their distance.

Those things seem to like attacking people.

[unrecovered]

Of course they won't. Are we ever that lucky?

No kidding. They either cuddle you to death or just outright kill you.

[brodakota]

Well, at least we don't have to worry about a middle ground.

[unrecovered]

And they're color-coded.

[brodakota]

Which makes it even easier.